Just found out that I've been pronouncing "jalapeño" wrong my whole life. Apparently, it's not pronounced as "jalape-NO" but as "jalape-YES!" ️

Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything! 

: My dog just ate all the Scrabble tiles.  Now he keeps leaving little messages around the house... I guess he really wants to spell it out for us! 

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!" 

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them! 燐

I asked my dog what he thought about quarantine and he replied, 'Well, I'm loving all the extra belly rubs, but I do miss chasing my tail in public parks. Oh, and please stop singing to me, I know I'm a good boy!'" 

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them!

My friend asked me if I could stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybe...." ✨

Friend: Can I borrow your pen?
Me: Sure, but please return it.
Friend: Don't worry, I'll bring it back in pen-sional!

Saw a squirrel eating a bag of peanuts the other day. I guess he was just nuts about nuts! 樂