Chuck Norris doesn't need a keyboard he tells the computer to write something and it does.
Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.