I have to show my hands like a blackjack dealer to prove to my dogs that I don’t have any food
I didn’t realize how much her self esteem was suffering. But when I put her to bed, she sobbed while thanking me and telling me how happy she was. It breaks my heart.
Americans should have the entire week off for the 4th this year as a kind of “going out of business” blow-out
watched a dude carry a screaming toddler across the parking lot. he noticed me looking at him and said “he’s mine, i’m not stealing him” and then before i could reply he added “if i was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn’t be this asshole”
Email Subject Line: YOUR PACKAGE HAS SHIPPED Email Body; Your package hasn’t shipped. You idiot. You fucking idiot. We just created a shipping label
Asked my MIL how she plans on dealing with the garage full of junk she has accrued over the years and she flat out said…“I’m hoping I just die and then it’s someone else’s problem.” I’ve never disliked an answer more
The restaurant labeled my 7yo’s take out chicken fingers as … “kids finger” and now she’s running around the house maniacally laughing and saying “deeeelicious kids fingers mmmm” as she eats them oh no
oh shit. i'm at a doctors appointment, and i legit forgot to take the sugar glider out of my sports bra. let's hope she stays asleep!!!