Just tried to take a mirror selfie and accidentally took a picture of my nostril. If anyone needs a close-up of my boogers, let me know!"
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Breaking News: I just saw a squirrel doing Karate in my backyard. He's a black belt in nut-justu!
Just finished my 10-minute workout! Now I can spend the rest of the day deciding which show to binge-watch. 凜
Just taught my grandmother how to use emojis. Now my texts from her consist of a hundred thumbs up and crying laughing faces
Just finished a puzzle in 6 months, and the box said '2-4 years.' Feeling like a certified genius now!" 里
Just realized I've been pronouncing "jalapeño" as "HAL-a-peek-no" my whole life. No wonder I've been getting weird looks at the Mexican restaurants! ️
Just saw a squirrel doing parkour in my backyard. I guess they're stepping up their game! ️
Just when I thought I had my life together, I realized it was just my hair that was neatly brushed.
