It’s hard to be a single parent when struggling through dark times. While surrounded by the innocence of youth, toys, games, holidays and fun, there is an undercurrent of despair and hopelessness that needs to be repressed to protect the innocence of the child. You can never really be your genuine self.

But it’s hard, and the darkness slips out at times. Sometimes I feel I’m trapped on the opposite side of a portal where my life once was, seeing all the aspects of how things should be, and the person I need to be for my son. But I’m stuck on a desolate alien planet, participating from the outside, trying to stay positive and be a good father… while feeling like everything is out of reach, and I’m slowly sinking.

I have some alone-time leading up to the new year, which is good. I’m a pretty resilient person and will find ways to process this. I will find healing in music, art, and community. This recent challenge has been a difficult one - it definitely broke me a little. But, quoting Leonard Cohen,

“There is a crack, a crack in everything That’s how the light gets in”

So I know eventually I’ll be okay.

Be well frens.

💔❤️🩹🖤